Woman goes on looks confused
Woman: Hmmmm….Lassie, I need someone to watch over you while I’m….
Lassie: Woof!
Woman: OK, let’s try this.
She pulls some forms out of her pack
Woman: INSURANCE!I’M SELLING GOOD QUALITY INSURANCE!HOME-OWNERS, CAR! EVERY KIND OF INSURANCE YOU COULD HAVE!
Random Man runs on
Random Man [Excited]: Oh my gosh! Real insurance, I’ve been looking for some I….
Lassie: Woof
Woman: Pipe down Lassie.
Random man: Oh, I’m sorry, could we do this at another location.. you see (sneezes) I’m allergic to dogs…
Woman: Well, in that case I…..
Random Man: Well, we can just make this a short visit, may I see some records.
Woman: [Pulling records out of her pack] Yes, here.
Random Man [Reading]: Oh…this won’t do. I…..am truly sorry…I won’t be….buying any.
Woman: Oh….thank you sir…
He leaves
Woman: Well that didn’t work.
Pulls out a book
Woman: Hm…No. No. OH! PERFECT! Cookie selling woman…attracts children…comes from “all times”. YES!
Woman: COOKIES. I HAVE COOKIES!
Kids run out and grabbed on to her huge poofy dress (that is also ugly)
Kid #1: I want some
Woman: Wait your turn den kid!
Lassie: Woof!
Woman: [To kid #1] This is my dog Lassie, I was wonderin’ if you would…
Kid #1: I WANT MY COOKIES!
Woman: Calm down o Lassa' give you none cookies!
Kid #2: That's not fair
Lassa’: In my time it was
Kid#1: This isn't your time
Lassa' [Laughing]: Lassa' come from all times child
Kids: What?
Lassa’:Oh forget it ya lazy sack o’ crap
Kidd, Twigy and Old man walk into barn
Twigy: Hey wada' ya doing in our barn lady
Kidd: Get out
Lassa’: I come to teach you brats a lesson
Old man: My ears fail me, say that again
Lassa’: I come to teach you brats a lesson!
Old man: Oh… I hear….
Lassa' [Yelling into the poor man's ear] I COME TO TEACH YOU BRATS A LESSON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kidd: Grandpapa!
Old man: ARE YOU SAYING SOMETHING!
Kidd: YOU MEAN LADY! YOU DEAFENED MY GRANDFATHER WITH YOUR HORRIBLE SCREECH!
Lassa’: He is not deaf!
Twigy: Grandpa! Can you hear me?
Old Man: I’m sorry, I can’t quite hear…
Kidd and Twigy lead the old man off
Lassa’: This is harder than I thought…
End of Scene 1
Scene 2
Lassa’ follows them home and once they are inside knocks on the door
Mother: I’m coming!
Mother opens the door
Lassa’: Mam, could I please stay out your home for a few days…I have no where else to go until Thursday.
Mother: Why sure, I’ll lead you to the guest room
Lassa’: [Going in] my name is Lassa’ and this is my dog La….
The door shuts
End of scene 2
Scene 3
Kidd walks into the Guest Room
Kidd: hello, I’m Kidd and welcome to our…Wait…you’re the lady that yelled into my grandfather ear!
Lassa: Look I’m sorry
Kidd: I’ll never forgive you for that, my grandpapa will never be able to hear the music of the kings now!
Lassa’: Child, I have traveled far and wide and you will never find music that’s greater den the beat of your heart.
Kidd: That’s a load lady
Lassa’:[Breaking out of her character] My name is Lassa’ and nothings a load!
Kidd: Wha…What…….Whatever
Kidd leaves
Scene 4
Early morning, Mother is reading the paper, and Father is doing taxes
The doorbell rings
Mother: Coming!
Mother opens the door
Mother: Oh hello Fretlinka.
Fretlinka: Good Morning, I’m here to collect
Father: WELL THEN SIT YOUR BOOTY DOWN IT’S GOING TO BE A WHILE!
Mother: Phillip, shut your pie hole!
Fretlinka: Look I best go then, I’ll be back tomorrow
Kidd: [From upstairs] What’s all the noise
Twigy:Yea!
Lassa’: I was trying to get some good ole’ sleep.
Mother: Oh, I’m forgetting my manners, this is our guest Lassa’.
Lassa’ walks down the stairs
Lassa’: It’s horrible what collectors do, Fretwata’
Fretlinka: It’s Fretlinka
Lassa’: Well Fretlinconlog, don’t let the door hit you on the way out, I don’t want butt prints on these nice peoples door!
Fretlinka: Well, I best be going now
Lassa’: Yes, quake in fear
Twigy: [To Kidd] What is up with that new lady
Kidd: Dunno
Fretlinka: Bye Mam, sir, children, horrible woman….[She spots Lassie coming out of the kitchen] dog….
Fretlinka seems interested in Lassie
Lassa’: Well don’t just stand there leave
She does
Twigy: Wow…
Scene 5
We are now in a small town
Man: The fumes are horrible
Another Man: I wish those dirty Dandle’s would get something other than albino squirrels to burn.
Man: You said it
Girl: What are you talking about?
Man :Little Squeshy, it’s not right to listen in…
Little Squeshy: Uncle Alex! Don’t call me “Little Squeshy”, that’s just a nickname
Uncle Alex: You have to loosen up a little.
Little Squeshy: I’m just worried that that bandit Bob will attack when Lassa’ is gone.
Uncle Alex: Don’t worry, we are safe
Little Squeshy: Yea, I guess
Another Man: You don’t “guess” you know.
Uncle Alex: Now go back inside and play.
Little Squeshy: Alright
Scene 6
Lassa’ and the family are standing in the front room.
Mother: So, you have an appointment with Mayor Burg?
Lassa’: Yes, we are..old friends
Mother: Really?
Lassie walks down the stairs
Twigy: What about Lassie, how will you take her?
Lassa’: Oh child, I’ll return to get her later…
Mother: Are you sure?
Kidd: WE GET LASSIE!
Lassa’: Well, this is goodbye to all of you, and you Lassie…
Mother: I would lead you to the Burgs estate but, Fretlinka is coming in 5 minutes to collect.
Lassa’: Yes, about her…do you promise to keep Lassie away from her.
Twigy: OOOOOK
Kidd: Sure
Lassa’: Well…Good bye
They leave as Kidd, Twigy and Mother walk into the kitchen
Kidd: Your all ours now Lassie!
Mother: That is, until Lassa’ returns
Kidd: Yea…until then I mean
Mother: Twigy take Lassie into the shed and start to build a little area for lassie to slwwp in outside and Kidd, help him.
Kidd and Twigy: OK
Lassie: Woof
They begin to walk away
Mother: OH! Go to the store and buy some food for Lassie too.
Twigy: Can do
They leave and the doorbell rings
Mother: Oh, that must be Fretlinka
Fretlinka: Good Day
Mother: We have money on the counter
Fretlinka: That wont be necessary
Mother: Your giving us a pass!
Fretlinka: I don’t want money, but I am not giving you a pass. I want that dog of yours.
Mother: Oh…we um, sent him away
Fretlinka: To where?
Mother: To the humane society
Fretlinka: Either you give me the dog or I charge you triple the collection money. The dog or the farm? Which will it be?
Mother: I told you the dog is not here!
Mother slams the door and latches the locks and hides in the closet
Fretlinka: [Outside] Lloyd, take me to the office, I’m going back home.
Lloyd: Did you get it?
Fretlinka: No…
Lloyd: If just have….
Fretlinka: I don’t need your patience talk agin just get in the car
Lloyd: Alright, Alright. Next stop Greenland
Fretlinka: It’s Greensville
Lloyd: Whatever
The Scene fades
